You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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