why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
