I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
