im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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