Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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