It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
