I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
