Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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