I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
