dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
