I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
