cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
