I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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