hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
