Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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