just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
