I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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