Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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