I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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