I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
