I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
