I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
