Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
