It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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