i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
