Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
nutella sex= disaster
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
