Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
