: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
