I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
