my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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