Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
