It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
