The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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