he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can I color on your dick again?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
