I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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