At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
