I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
