We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
