There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
