My room smells like vodka and shame
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
