After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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