if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
