youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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