can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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