Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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