i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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