Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
