Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
