would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
