this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
